Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The cat pee hole

Or maybe it should be cat-pee hole? The hyphen is probably important.

Like, saying we have a cat-pee hole in our ceiling is very different from saying we have a cat pee-hole in our ceiling.

It's definitely not cat pee-hole. Also, I wouldn't call it a pee-hole. I don't think. It's rather vulgar that way, isn't it?

Anyway. Last week they made holes in our ceilings and walls, and all of a sudden our dining room smelled like cat pee.

They opened a hole to some ancient and potent cache of dried cat pee.

Someone asked me if I was sure it was cat pee, rather than just moisture build up in the walls. If you have ever smelled cat pee, you know it is unlike anything else and a stench most foul. A friend of mine's cat once peed in my suitcase. I know for cat pee.

But what was the deal? The floor above, while damaged (like much of our flooring), didn't smell like cat pee. Was there a cat stuck in the wall? Did it just pee through the floorboards? Repeatedly?

A friend suggested that there was a cat on the second floor who peed in that corner, and then the floor got shellacked over. I don't know.

Whatever it was, it was evil. And being allergic, I'm not pro-cat in the first place.

So I kept looking up at the ceiling and cursing the cat pee hole. (Cat-pee hole? Whatever.) The days of rain and the heavy moisture in the air did nothing helpful. Nothing.

Yesterday I came to work complaining of the stench of cat pee. So my friend Kristin sent me a link to Nature's Miracle. I ordered it immediately.

And then went home last night to a much larger hole in the ceiling and a chunk of the wall taken away. And no more smell. I guess the cat pee chunks were removed. The idea of all those cat pee molecules concentrated in particular chunks of ceiling or wall really grosses me out, I have to say.

Also, anyway, and more importantly, that circle is where the elevator is going to be! They have three of them, and they have to make holes on all three floors and make sure they're lined up perfectly. And adjust the ground floor so it is absolutely flat.

Unimaginable in a nothing is flat, nothing is right angles house.

But there is, it turns out, no room for error with the suction elevator. Which makes sense. Imagine me getting a call from Betty all, "Um, I'm stuck sort of sideways between the dining room and the closet."

I would be all, "That's terrible. We'll be right there. And say, did you find the cat?"

The horror.


  1. I also once had a friend's cat pee in my suitcase and the smell was fucking repulsive. I can't even imagine living in a house that smelled like that. So glad the odor is gone.

    And I had to giggle at the "nothing is flat, nothing is right angles" line. Our house is the same. Ah, the charm of old Victorians!

  2. I just snorted out loud at my desk because I couldn't hold in the laughter. Cat pee hole vs cat-pee hole is very different. Thanks for the laugh! I HATE HATE HATE the smell of cat pee. And I have 2 cats. Lightly scented litter is fantastic, and I don't care if it is bad for my cats. I care that my house doesn't smell like cat pee!

  3. I have read horrible, horrible stories about people finding crystallized cat pee when they pulled up carpeting, etc. This reaffirms my belief that cats are NOT particularly clean animals, as feline proponents would have us believe. They may keep themselves clean, but they just push their dirt off on the rest of us.

  4. When cats get sick, they pee in strange places. It's there way of saying "I'm miserable and you're going to be miserable for the rest of your days."

  5. you're putting in an elevator?
    i either missed something or am just supremely confused.
    and cats are the biggest joke of a pet ever - who wants a pet who acts like it doesn't need you? that defeats the purpose if you ask me... and the smell of their pee only solidifies my argument that they're not meant to be in captivity.

  6. I wish I could write lol without sounding like an old dork. But I really did lol. There, said it anyway cause it's the truth.

  7. Too funny Lisa. So glad to hear the smell is no longer lingering in your lovely home and in the dining room of all places.

    Nature's miracle works well although I've only had to use it after cleaning up pup puke. Sorry, ew.

  8. So what are you going to do with the miracle vanishing cat pee stuff when it arrives now the cat-pee hole has dissapeared and become just a hole? Also is your elevator going to be clear so Betty can wave to spectators on the floors as she travels up and down. I have visions of you sitting on the middle floor as betty goes downstairs to make a cuppa and waving as her space shuttle glides by. This could be a great new game for Jordan and Betty.

  9. Lisa, if you ever get that dog you should name him Astro.

  10. Wendy - It is the worst smell ever. I'm so not a fan of cats.

    Tia - I'm glad! :) I like that cats can take care of themselves but the whole idea of litter boxes is just so revolting to me. I mean, it's pretty revolting to pick up your dog's poo as well, but then you toss it in a trash can rather than it sitting in a pile in the litter box.

    Jessica - I've never heard of that but OH GROSS. I do think you're right that they keep themselves clean and it's people who are dealing with the hair, the dander, etc etc. Ew.

    lacochran - That makes sense to me. Totally works on the making others miserable, too.

    jen - Yes, an elevator. It's a large production. And I understand cats as pets - especially if you're not home a lot. I wish dogs were more self-sufficient. That said, I've never remotely wished I could have a cat.

    Dana - Thanks!

    Lynn - I'm glad! I hate writing LOL but sometimes it's just exactly what you want to say.

    HK - I don't remember what we used with Gloria. She'd pee on the floor every once in a while to punish us.

    Go-Betty - I'm going to give it to a friend of mine with cats. Nick thinks we should hold on to it for a bit, though, because who knows what we'll find as they bash more walls open.

    Yes, the elevator is clear! I am so excited about it.

    Lynn - Haha! I love that idea!

  11. I used to work at a pub in England (which means that I used to drink a lot.) I would leave my car in the parking lot and stumble down the street to my friend's house to pass out on her couch. Until her cat peed on me one night. Yeah, I woke up smelling like cat pee. Worst hangover ever.

    Nature's Miracle is my boyfriend.


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