So in May, when it was clear that we were not getting pregnant through our own efforts or mild interventions, we realized we needed to turn to what we had been considering the nuclear option.
Although in retrospect, except for the heart-stopping expense, the whole process wasn't that terrible. Although I do wish I'd taken a picture of my stomach after all the shots.
I'm not going to say that it looked like the Ho Chi Minh trail, which is how Nick likes to describe some of DC's worst roads, because though I like the simile, it would be a gross exaggeration. Mostly it looked like I'd been beaten by teeny tiny angry little fists.
But honestly, the injectable drugs were so much easier in terms of side effects than the Clomid I'd been taking. Those pills turned me into a rabid little hate machine.
I'm not exaggerating. I told Nick I hated him in front of one of our friends. And I meant it. I gnashed my teeth all night long. I woke up loathing my husband just for breathing. I spent my days wanting to kick puppies and shove pregnant women.
Not so good.
So we met with our doctor who was basically all, yah, at almost 42 you have like 37 seconds of fertility left, and let's get going.
My insurance, it covers nothing in terms of fertility procedures or medication.
And thus, when I got the call from the pharmacy telling me that my grand total for medication was going to be $5,300, I nearly passed out, right there on 17th Street. I called my nurse. She found coupons. She called alternate pharmacies.
We got the total down to $4,000. For 10 days of medication. My math is not great, but it was pretty easy to work this out to $400 per day.
It got me thinking.
I don't know what kind of quality you'd be talking, but it seems to me that if you're going to be sticking drugs into your body, you could probably have a really good time on $400 a day. I'm not saying you could have this major hookers and blow binge, but something along those lines.
Don't you think?
And then, then I started being all, why the fuck didn't I have a drug problem in my early 20s? Your 20s are the time to do it! Look at all these things I'm never going to do now: Threesomes! Sleeping around! Drug experimentation!
I totally fucking wasted my youth with that first-born-rule-follower bullshit.