Thursday, January 22, 2009

The limits of one's patience

Nick has been extraordinarily patient with me and the pregnant whining and the trying to figure out what I might like to eat for dinner when things like chicken gross me out.

Not to mention with all the weight gain anxiety.

I know it's obsessive behavior, and I still don't weigh myself, but I do an ass check almost daily. First naked and then in clothes, to make sure I'm not exaggerating about how much it's growing.

I poke the extra flesh and I'm all, "Look! Ugh. Would you look at this?"

And he's all sweet and complimentary. And he says, completely convincingly, that he likes the extra curves. But I find it all kind of traumatizing.

So I realized yesterday that even his patience has limits. You see, we are having dinner tomorrow night with several of Nick's colleagues and their spouses.

And I don't really want to go, even though I like them all very much. I was trying to get out of it.

"Do you really want me to go?"

"Sweetie, you'll have fun."

"My brain stops working after eight. And then I have to go to sleep."

"Lis, they like you. They all have kids. They know what you're dealing with."

"I might hate the food."

"There'll be something you can eat."

And then I realize, fuck, I'm going to have to dress up. On jeans-on-Friday day. And beyond the no jeans, I hate dressing up when I feel relentlessly ugly in everything. Which is now the case. And is in fact the biggest issue in my out-for-dinner reluctance.

"And! Nick! And! What am I going to wear? I have to look nice. What do you propose I squeeze my fat ass into?"

"Honey, you can still squeeze your fat ass into lots of things."

Limit hit.


  1. haha men! you will have fun, i promise. they'll understand. and then you'll have the rest of the weekend to recover!

    sidenote- my husband once walked into our bedroom while i was pumping and actually uttered the word, "Moooooooooooooooooo!"

  2. Can you please ask Nick to write this post from his perspective? I'd pay money to read it.

    That said, I love you. You're a nutter, and I do love a nutter.

  3. Well, it is supposed to be hard on BOTH of you, no?...

  4. Further proof that even the steadiest of pinball machines can be made to hit TILT.

  5. Sorry, I can't stop laughing at mrsmac's comment.

  6. mrsmac - Oh, noooooo! Funny, but no!

    FreckledK - I can ask. And good thing you love the nutters! :)

    LiLu - Yes! And I am making sure of that!

    restaurant refugee - Hahaha. I love the pinball machine analogy.

    saratogajean - It is truly excellent.

  7. So, was he buried or cremated?

  8. I say take advantage and wear whatever is comfy. The hooker boots would be especially funny...

  9. Kate - He actually made me laugh so hard. I couldn't believe he said that.

    FoggyDew - And even funnier since we're going to the oh so conservative Metropolitan club. The idea really makes me laugh.

  10. That was just perfect. I'm sure you needed that. There's only so much patronizing a girl can take, right?

  11. I've been reading your blog for a while now, I just wanted to write and say that I can totally relate. I am 16 wks along, and I finally figured out the eating thing, We go somewhere that has TONS of choices and lets me order strange stuff. As far as dressing up goes, none of my dress clothes fit me anymore, so I went and bought a pair of stretch pants (black) and a large top that looks like a cross between a dress and a shirts, and thats my dressy out fit (at least until I actually can justify maternity clothes). But its always nice to know that someone is going through the same things that I went though and am still going through.

  12. i have a thought which might help! might make it worse, but hey, it might help!

    so - when you get fat, your body is filled with like, food, right? eat bad stuff = fat, eat too much = fat. fat = makes you ugly, fat = fucks up body shape.


    this time, the ass enlarging, body rounding, morphing process is totally not from food! it is more alon the lines of hosting a small uterus alien.

    so the whole cause and effect thing has changed!! different cause = different effect!

    and the way your body is going - during the hosting period AND after the baby has hatched, has nothing to do with anything you experienced before with pure gaining/losing weight! completely different rules apply.

    example: pretty soon your belly will be many many times larger than ass. when has THAT ever happened before? probably never.

    SO - maybe you need to think of totally different shapes to wear that go with the new you. maybe you need culottes? tube top is probably out, but who knows! maybe a long straight skirt?

    think WAAAYY outside the jean-fitting-rollercoaster box and i think you will have much success.


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