Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Penis tattoos

A friend of mine mentioned yesterday that she'd dated a guy who had a tattoo on his penis.

I don't remember how this came up. It was somehow germane to something.


A tattoo. The kind you make with a sharp pointy little needle thing. On. His. Penis.


So after I got over the initial shock and accompanying twitchy little squeamy dance, I had so many questions.

First, how? How do they do this? Do you have to have an erection for them to tattoo your penis? And if so, how the hell would you maintain it?

Also, would there be a different picture flaccid and erect? That would be kind of interesting.

Like, maybe it would look like a sink when flaccid and then you realize it's actually a picture of a the Washington Monument.

Not that you would necessarily want a sink or a monument on your private bits for all eternity.

And what would you want on your wing-wang for all eternity? I forgot to ask her about the actual tattoo.

Also, was he into pain? Was that why?

No, she said. It was more that he worked somewhere that everyone had tattoos. It was more a macho thing.

But honestly. If you want to look like you can tolerate a lot of pain, get your elbow tattooed. Everyone knows that hurts like all hell.

But your penis? Who would know you were manly enough to withstand the pain?

Unless, of course, you wore chaps, and nothing else. And then I'm pretty sure your pain tolerance is not where people's minds would jump first.


  1. I don't have a penis and this is making me cringe. OW. And now I feel like I have to know what the tattoo was. Was it tiny, or did it go down the length? And the whole flaccid/erect thing, I need to know that too.

    I would Google penis tattoos, but I'm at work, and I'm pretty sure that would get me fired. I'm curious, but I'm not *that* curious.

  2. I have so many questions. Like the size of the tattoo. Was it the entire length of the penis? I think that you would need to be a show-er (as opposed to a grower) to get a tattoo that was the length of your penis. Maybe the tattoo artist was a true artist and the tattoo was something cool when the penis was both flaccid and hard. That would be impressive. I'm pretty sure we need more information.

  3. I knew someone who claimed to have had artwork placed there. A scorpion, because he was a Scorpio.

    Which gives a whole new answer to "What's your sign?" I suppose...

    He said it hurt, but not as much as you might think, etc. Then again, I never personally verified his veracity.

  4. There is a porn star who has "poison" tattooed on his penis. When I saw it, I yelled. It was definitely...drying.

    Sorry. But this seemed a same place to share this.

    I assume it has to be erect...perhaps they take Viagra?

  5. As a tattoo and piercing enthusiast, I thought I would drop my two cents on this topic.

    I have had my penis pierced. Two dydoes throught the ridge on the top of the head. I have also had my nipple, eyebrow and ear pierced.

    By far and away the most painful was my nipple, then the second dydoe, then the first. ;)

    I also have several tattoos, one of which is centered on my right elbow, which didn't hurt at all. The most painful tattoo was on my tricept, the skin there is very sensitive.

    Why? For the experience, the conversation starter, the enhanced sensations (mine and hers) and, possibly, a power struggle between my two thinking parts (I'll leave it to you to determine who won that one).

    All in all it was an experience that I'm glad I've had... and I keep thinking about doing it again. Probably a PA next time.


  6. Hmmm, weird. I mean I know with the piercing thing it's meant to heighten the pleasure (or more likely get caught behind the girl's tonsils stuck a la Selma Blair's character in "The Sweetest Thing") but a tattoo down there? The pain (I imagine). Plus unless they were a total manwhore/exhibitionist/pervert flasher in a raincoat, how many people are actually going to see it? Just seems a bit odd to me...

  7. i went a googling and found this gem: http://tattoo.about.com/cs/beginners/a/embar_faq.htm

    if it is to be believed, to get the tattoo, it doesn't have to be hard, merely "pulled tight".

    i can only imagine how terribly awkward that situation would be. but that is a level of awkwardness that must be overcome, because seriously, who doesn't want a sink on their man bits?

  8. Ow, ow, ow. OW! I want to know what it was, though! How could you not ask that? You need to call her. Inquiring minds want to know. and did she ever try to only make it show half way? watch as it went down? I'd be so amused, I'd forget why I was there!

  9. Just tell me it wasn't "Mom" on a heart.

  10. All that pain and you have to keep it in your pants (so to speak). And what happens when you get old and shriveled? That can't be attractive. Not judging, mind you.

  11. Perhaps, in the spirit of "Mad" magazine, it's a Mad Fold-in?

    Or perhaps, depending on stereotype, either "Wendy" or "Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day"?

  12. All I have to say is that guy has balls.

    I wonder if he got those tattooed too?


  13. chaps and a tattooed penis - now there's an image I'll carry with me all day! Hilarious, thanks!

  14. Or your child's name.....

  15. Lisa - I was in the same boat. I'd be horrified if I somehow got in trouble for Googling penis tattoo at work.

    Hillary - I am going to get my friend to give us more info. There are many intriguing things about this.

    Dagny - What's your sign. Heh heh.

    Lemmonex - So bizarre. So very bizarre.

    Ken Adams - Thank you for weighing in! I have no tattoos, no piercings other than ears. It all makes me cringe with imagined pain.

    As for the PA - I just learned the term from an article linked below. Wow.

    P - I definitely don't understand it. But then again, maybe it's a fun secret to have?

    firecracker! - VERY interesting. Thank you for that.

    cla517 - I know, I can't believe I forgot to ask. There were several of us in the conversation, all with different questions, but nobody asked WHAT it was. Must find out.

    Ron - Yes, damn. I can't even think about it without flinching and I don't have a penis.

    LiLu - Not knowing him, I think it unlikely. But really, what do I know?

    kayare - Keep it in your pants - hahaha!

    Anon. - Ha! Things to think about...

    Kiran - Seriously. I am waiting on more info.

    Miranda - My pleasure.:)

    Jules - Aaaagh!

  16. Whatever it was, I hope that it was very small in scale (to make the penis look all the larger, obviously).

  17. It is what it is. 6 billion people. You're bound to get this and other fascinating stories. It's what makes the human condition a great story. Personally, gotta say I'm more curious about your kid and other stuff.

  18. Let me clarify -- I'm fascinated by your stories on Jordan because you're making all the same moves we made. For instance, in a few months, your kid will surprise you when he actually knows he's going to the doctors. It's a weird experience (because you realize they're sentient... and not just flopping around).

  19. I'm afraid this post doesn't have enough information. We'll need pictures.

  20. That is pretty intense! You would be surprised at all the weird modifications people do and how man people actually do crazy stuff like that to their bodies!

  21. Keep posting stuff like this i really like it

  22. I have a tattoo of a heart (just a black outline) on the head of my penis. I knew it would hurt like crazy so I took some precautions. About 45 minutes before I had the tattoo done I numbed it with a numbing cream made especially for tattooing and I can tell you without a doubt that I didn't feel a thing. And my wife loves it! She calls it her heart on...:)

  23. @ Dangy - I also have a scorpion tattoo in that area. Have we met?
    To answer some questions I have seen in this post:
    - no it didn't hart as bad as you would think. There were some spots that did though.
    - I didn't have to be erect for it.
    -I am a Scorpio, so the tattoo is fitting, but there are more than just zodiac icebreakers that have been used. Many stinging references were made. It brought a new meaning to 'getting the poisons out'. And 'this sting may cause swelling. I was also able to say, "Hey look, I'm wagging my tail." Lastly, one woman actually asked if it would feel any different. I had no problem letting her test her theory. :)
    - It does slightly distort upon erection, but not to the point that affects the artwork.
    - I had a male tattoo artist. He was very professional and understood that skin was skin, no matter where on the body it was (even though he still charged a $500 handling fee)
    -Any little bit of modesty I had proir to getting this tattoo, nearly 2 1/2 years ago, has since gone. All that remains is just modesty out of respect for others that don't want to see such a thing...and I got remarried, so I don't flash it around nearly as much.
    - @ lacochran I have no issue sharing pictures of it, but cant post in this forum. My yahoo ID is Justin3112002. I don't mind sharing, just link this forum ID and I'll send you a pic.


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