Thursday, January 07, 2010

And yet again, it's dang dratted monster trucking cable

Nick says it looks like we're going to have to slam our dick in the door.

By this he means switch back to Comcast. The idea makes me want to spoon my eyes out.

I reminded him about the terrible customer service, and how they might pee on our rug. How they kept charging us because we'd packed some stupid little card rather than returning it, even though we'd disconnected everything, and how he'd rather eat rocks and nails than use them again.

He remembers this. But here's the thing: he wants to watch his shows. He wants them to record when they're set to record. And then he wants the service to work when he sits down to watch.

And when Comcast service works, and you don't need them to do anything for you, well, the service works.

But it turns out that if you want good service, DirecTV kind of sucks, at least for us. We can't use our TiVO, and their record show thingy doesn't work half the time. And the service is sketch. As far as I know, nobody has yet been rude to us or stood us up. But the service is for sugar honey iced tea.

(And do you like how well I'm doing on the not swearing?)

There's no FIOS where we are, alas. (And I wonder - Foggy Dew, did you ever switch over?)

If we watched the sports, I am told DirecTV would be great. They have lots of sports, apparently.

This appeals to me not one bit. And thank the dear Lord I am married to a man who, apart from the very occasional rugby game(??), is not remotely interested in watching sports. Or attending sporting events.

I feel like I must have done something right somewhere along the way.

But back to our dick. In the door...


  1. Bummer. You're swearing alternatives are very entertaining. Is AT&T Uverse offered in your area? We would like to drop Time Warner and switch to Uverse but it's not offered in our area :(

  2. Ahh sheesh. You're not going to cuss on your blog even? That's the part I liked the best. There's nobody here buts us adults. Well, I'll do it for you then. It is fucking suck ass colder than a dead dick in a door here in North Dakota! MINUS 52! Fuck this shit!

    Brushing self off now and jutting out my chin. You never heard this Betty.

  3. HKW - I have no idea. Nick has been the one looking into this. I'll ask.

    Lynn - Oh, I'm just experimenting and keeping myself entertained. I'm never actually going to give up the pleasure of saying fuckity fuckfuckfuck. And I just read that and thought immediately of you! Minus 52?!?! What kind of damnshithellfuckness kind of temperature is that? That super fucking sucks big time! Criminatly!

  4. Lisa - I love that you are not swearing anymore but you still say things like "dick in the door."

    Oh forget that - I just saw your response to Lynn above. So you really should have said, your fucking dick in the door.


  5. Cable companies are like cell phone companies - they all suck. We had Fios and HATED it (in 6 months, there were ZERO days that phone, internet, and cable all worked). Comcast we've had no issues with, except for the crazy prices.

  6. Masala Chica - I'm fine with saying dick - if my kid has it in his vocabulary, that doesn't bother me. What I realized writing this is that this whole exercise has made me more mindful...instead of just writing in all the curse words without thinking about it, I actually gave thought to it. Which I think might be a good step towards changing my habits??

    Tia - Ugh. Well, at least that makes me less bothered that we can't get FIOS. My parents had such a good experience with it.

  7. Has Nick looked into Dish network? Our Tivo has issues with it, but they have a DVR that works well. We haven't had much trouble over the last 4+ years. Good luck. I love sugar honey iced tea, BTW!

  8. NO!!!! Have you contacted Verizon to see when FIOS will be available in your area?

  9. shit, i hate when i have to slam my dick in the door. that's always a bummer.

    see? i couldn't NOT swear either. and just this past weekend, with my preggo girlfriend, she was saying how her and her swearing husband need to curb their mouths soon as to be baby friendly. what the fuck will i do, as the honorary aunt?!

  10. Service-wise DirecTV has been WAY better than our cable company. We had horrible problems with the display coming from them (the picture was so pixelated we couldn't watch), and we haven't had those issues with the dish. But I'm glad to know we're not the only ones with DVR issues on DirecTV. We were thinking ours is possessed, sometimes it forgets to record a show, other times it will record a rerun episode showing at a completely off-the-wall time.

  11. FiOS is slowly making it's way into DC... but I don't think it's hit your neighborhood yet.

    Here's a list of where they're installing it at the moment:

    In addition to those streets, there are a few other locations where it it was installed earlier (mostly by the new Nationals stadium). Eventually it's supposed to be District wide... but "eventually" is a long time.

  12. I'm glad to see Monster Trucking made it into your title!

    I have no advice to offer, since I live in the land of Cablevision and Sky, but I hope you get this all figured out without too much pain.

  13. Sad to say, after my rant, I was contacted by one of their VPs who straightened the problem out. Because I've been looking for more permenant housing (i.e. gonna buy) I haven't gotten around to dumping them.

    And yes, I do feel a bit guilty about that. Not guilty in the "eating icing out of the can" guilty, but "eating icing out of the can with my fingers because I was too lazy to walk across the kitchen and get a spoon" guilty. The problem is, as you've so wonderfully explained in the past, when it works it works and you only notice it when it doesn't.

    Ditching one provider for another is usually not worth the effort. Especially now that I've found out how to make them jump to my command (nasty post calling them names).

  14. Oh, and speaking of telivised rugby, the only pay-per-view event I ever bought was the '95 Rugby World Cup finals game. You know, the one Clint, Morgan and Matt just made a movie about. So quit making fun of the man, rugby is a ruffians' game played by gentlemen.

  15. i had Comcast for 7 years and thought it was, eh, okay i guess. now i have FiOS because the'cast was not an option and i LONG for the days of Comcast!! FiOS blows, their tv menus must have been programmed by toddlers as there's ZERO intuitiveness to them and the ondemand selections stink! don't even get me started on the fact that they've given us 2 phone numbers already that ring off the hook for other people... oh, and the wireless works... sometimes.
    grr... be happy you get to go back to Comcast, shitty service people and all

  16. Is RCN available for you guys?

    I really don't think that sugar honey iced tea conveys what you were going for. I think that I will devote some time thinking up more... expressive euphemisms, because it's certainly more fun that what I'm doing now... :o)

  17. Ugh. We need to take our dicks and stage a DC-area cable revolt. Reliable service, repair folk who show up in the ESTABLISHED WINDOW, and wine. Wine with standard cable.

  18. I am so happy to see you use my suggestion of sugar honey iced tea! It is even appropriate for the workplace (which is where I get the most use out of it).

  19. one of the things i attribute to the longevity of my marriage (25 years next week!) is the fact that my husband (like me) has no interest in sports . . . :)

  20. cla517 - I don't know. I think we have a dish but I suppose that's different from Dish network? Is that possible? Truly, I have no idea.

    As for sugar honey iced tea - that was a delight of a suggestion. Since I'm still a swearypants, I looked back at that post when writing this one.

    mrsmac - I leave this stuff to Nick. He watches a lot more TV, and I never ever had cable before we met.

    brookem - Here's the good thing. As the honorary aunt, you actually can swear. Because you aren't in a constant baby world. They will appreciate your attempts at clean language, but really, how can they expect no swearing?

    Lisa - This is the thing - what's the point in recording stuff when it doesn't record the things you want to watch?! It's so weird. It's like it just makes it up itself.

    VVK - We shall see. Especially in DC, eventually can be forever.

    Luna - Heh heh. I am going to be calling people Monstertruckers! left and right.

    Foggy Dew - I know - when you have something that works well and you don't need anything done, it is hard to mess with.

    As for the rugby, I'm not a hater - I just don't really get it.

    notsojenny - Yikes. Another strike against FiOS, which I was thinking was the total answer.

    Dagny - I don't know. I haven't heard of it. Nick will know. And I am looking forward to your thoughts. I know they will be really really sharp with a touch of hidden evil.:)

    kris - You are SO RIGHT. And wine! Why didn't I think of that? I'd settle for established window shower uppers, though. My standards are low.

    Anonymous - Thank you for the suggestion! It doesn't have a bite, but it does make me think of a big cool glass of sweet tea.:)

    LJ - I believe it. Like going to church, I'd have a hard time being married to a man who had to have football every Sunday.

  21. It still amazes me that these monoliths (cable, satellite, cellular) all suck in varying but substantive ways. I could go all b-school/econ theory to offer explanation, but I think your fucketity fuckfuck kinda summed it up.

  22. This may be sacriligeous, but I've gone for around 8 years without watching TV. My screens are used for console games (the children) or DVDs. I buy / rent box sets of the ones I want to watch, and ebay the originals after I've copied them. That way I don't have to worry about missing and episode and _literally_ losing the plot...


Tell me about it.