Thursday, February 18, 2010

Killing me softly

Two cookies, chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels, and contemplating a Snickers.

I am up against a big deadline at work. Hence the ridiculous amount of carbs and sugar.

Plus lots of coffee to mitigate the lack of sleep. Because the boy, he has been waking up and waking up.

I stagger around all tired during the day. I get my work done, but barely, and by the skin of my teeth (whatever that weird expression means).

Then at night I hurry home in time to play a little, nurse the boy, and put him to bed.

We eat. I shower. Or don't. I go to bed and stress about how many hours I might get before Jordan wakes up the first time. Which delays the falling asleep. The utter lack of control over my amount of sleep - hell, over my everything - has me kind of worked up.

But the lack of sleep, cripes. My kid is killing me softly, one night at a time.

I didn't used to have quite as many wrinkles. Or bags under my eyes. Or such a short fuse.

He wakes up. I hear him, and I get all resent-y. Until I see his sweet little face and remember how much I love the shit out of him.

But boy am I tired and grumpy every morning. And the cycle repeats itself. Hurry, stagger, hurry, sleep.

And honestly, I just feel like I do a crap job at everything anymore.


  1. An old coworker of mine used to say "having kids is like being slowly pecked to death by a chicken"

    While my brother in law says "kids are like farts, you can only stand your own."

  2. Doesnt get much better when they are Teens and you are worrying and not sleeping because they are out late.
    Heard the funniest saying yesterday.
    "Teenagers remind us why some species eat their young"
    lol In my morbid depressed state I liked that saying. :S

  3. Lack of sleep makes us all feel like that. *someone* recently told me that he thinks I'm waking up a lot more during the night than I realize, and I wanted to scream.

    So you're telling me I'm not sleeping right, too?!?!

    I think that theoretically, longer stretches of night with sleeping are supposed to be coming along in just a couple months. In the meantime, I bet that you're a LOT more aware of what's not getting done than anyone else is.


  4. This is the ugly truth about motherhood. A friend of mine and I are constantly talking about how between jobs, kids, husband and lack of sleep, we constantly feel like we are half-assing everything.

    With his size, Big J is probably ready for some sleep training. Which sucks for a few nights, but then really does work.

  5. "kids are like farts, you can only stand your own" = funniest thing I've heard all week.

  6. it does get better. Plus at almost six months, you could try and let him cry a bit before going in.

    Anyway, I seriously thought I was going to get fired for about the first 2 years of Jessica's life. Between the waking as a baby and the fact that she got sick a TON after we first put her in daycare, I was sure they were going to boot my ass to the curb. But they didn't, everyone survived and it's better now. Although I still feel like I half ass it sometimes!

  7. I bet he's trying to get those teeth to pop up. This too shall pass. Then one day you can't get their asses out of bed for school! I tried that waiting for them to fall back asleep bs. Didn't work. I finally brought the kid in to the bed with us and we all got some sleep. I did it with all the kids. And you kow what? Not one of my four kids seems any different than thier peers. Except they have wonderful memories of all the talking we did in bed. And by the time they go off to school they are long sleeping in their own room. Also, I never lay awake in the dark. Get a book, book light and read. Your body is resting and your mind won't use as much energy not worrying. It will all come togeter and get better. I promise.

  8. If Nick can't handle the sleep training, I would suggest earplugs or to do it while he's on a business trip. Sleep training has saved the lives of many of my friends.

  9. once they start sleeping well, you feel like a completely different woman. i mean, i still feel like i do a crap job with everything, but i feel better about it because i'm sleeping well.

    sleep training took 2 days with betti. we waited too long- 10 months- but did that because of traveling. i highly suggest 'healthy sleep habits, happy child' by weissbluth.

    good luck!

  10. Oh oh oh I hear ya. And I don't even have a full time job. Hope it gets better soon!

  11. sleep deprivation is the worst! hope you get some rest soon.

  12. I suppose it doesn't help at all that I'm right there with you? We've tried letting him cry and all this talk of "two nights!" or "5 minutes and he'll tire himself out!" just doesn't seem to apply at our house. Which means less sleep because we're up listening to him cry. I'm thrilled when we only get up twice a night. But, at least we've got him sleeping in the crib now. Small victories. I try to remind myself of all the new things he's learning and how horrendously hard that must be for him. Plus, he's pretty great to cuddle with so I'm still gonna keep him.

    His dad on the other hand? Might be getting the boot for complaining how tired HE is. Had he not taken Alex to daycare and let me sleep in this morning, I don't know what would have happened.

    My point is - you're not alone. That only gets you so far I realize, but you're not alone. Or doing anything wrong.

  13. My son did not sleep through the night until he was 4!
    if I had to do it all over again -I would make sure he was well fed and dry - a liitle Tylenol if I suspected teething and then I would let him cry it out - 5 minutes - 10 minutes - 15 minutes HA! - Be prepared for 1, 2 or 3 hours BUT in 1, 2 or 3 days you will all be a lot happier! Plus anything longer then an hour an a half nap during the day is counter productive.

  14. What Wendy said. Too much to do means nothing gets done well. I don't think there's a cure for that.

    Here's the good news. It won't sound like good news while you're living through it, but I promise you, this part ends. It's finite. I promise.

    Okay, the wrinkles last, but there are ways of dealing with those.


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