Friday, February 12, 2010

In which I dispense random advice, even though you didn't ask. Alternate title: Love and trench mouth

I was thinking, during the past snowed-in, no-heat week, how important it is to marry someone you really like as a person. Someone you can hang out with for hours and days on end, and still enjoy.

I mean, of course you want to stab them sometimes, and you might hate them intensely in random moments. But overall, you not only love them but really really like who they are at core.

You know, back when I was single and going on multiple Internet dates a week, and totally fed up with miserable dates with people like the crazypants journalist, I wrote a post ranting about how people should get married in their 20s and stick it out.

And I believed it fervently when I wrote it. Even though I'd have been divorced three times or more if I had gotten hitched back then.

I was so glad, when I met Nick, that I'd had all the life experiences (and therapy) that I had. Because I was finally able to be a solid, healthy partner, and work towards a solid, healthy relationship. One that I believe will last (assuming no random stabbing).

I really wanted more time when we got married to just be married and enjoy being the two of us. And of course we had many things, but time was not one of them.

And now we have Big J, and he is the brightest sunshine in our lives.

But it is also kind of like living through war. Not in an air-raid!-under-the-table way. But in a way that no matter how desperately tired and beaten down and cranky you might be, you always have to be in position to respond.

Probably the thing that makes it not like war is that you're facing someone you love more than anything, rather than fighting an enemy. And also, nobody is deliberately trying to kill you.

Although some days it might feel like they are.

And for that, my friends, my best advice is: find the best trench buddy you can. That way, even if you get trench mouth (though honestly, I'm not quite sure what that is) at least you got it from the person you most want to share everything with.

On second thought, maybe best just to not share toothbrushes. Unless you really are stuck in a trench. And you only have one.

Right. So anyway, big hugs and happy Friday!


  1. I think finding the best trench buddy one can should involve, at a minimum, finding someone with sufficient dental hygiene to avoid trench mouth.

    I'm a little sad I looked that up, to tell you the truth. *shudder*.

  2. Wellll, you make an excellent point about the dental hygiene. It's true that that should be a bare minimum.

  3. Love the video - not exactly fierce, with that grin, but the grrgrrr shounds were a great start. I bet he could gum something apart, given half a chance and sufficient time though!

  4. Um, I'm embarrassed to tell you that the grr grr sounds were Nick.:)

  5. i could not possibly agree more!!
    well said, as usual

    and my dog does the hat chewing thing and i told my husband the exact same thing as your Nick did "it's probably salty"

  6. Ahh, so fucking CUTE!

    And YES about finding the best trench mate. And I know what you mean about wishing you had had more "just the two of us" time. I'm hoping for a great deal of that kind of time -- once the kids are out of the house. It's a long way off but nice to look forward to.

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Blah... how does one go about finding that trench buddy? Okay, I'll stop being cranky now...

    The video is cute. :-)

    Speaking of sharing tooth brushes, there was a recent episode of How I met your Mother about the subject.

  9. Liking the person you marry is so important. There have been times when I ran away from home and I still called my besty when I needed to talk to someone. Good thing he likes me and loves me and lets me come home again. (and I keep all the sharp objects hidden)

    Jordan is really growing! How adorable.

    War? Oh, yeah. Worth fighting, too.

  10. Sounds like good advice to me! If, that is, one has to give advice on trench mouth. =-)

  11. nadia efrayim iapetusb plate careers burnsville multipoint polyamory

  12. Sadly the one I thought was my Trench Buddy decided he didnt want to share a Trench with me anymore a couple of weeks ago. Heartbroken in New Zealand :-(.
    My Mum was a School Dentist and she always said to use girls "When you meet a man look at his teeth, its normally the last thing they look aftr properly and if they are clean then he has good Hygiene" lol Ever so wise was me Mum.
    Oh and OMG at your snow. Poor Buggars

  13. Perhaps living where it is warm and sunny might be better.

  14. Based on your advice, I am now a hundred and TEN percent positive I'm with the right person. xo

  15. Today is my lucky day :)
    Apple is giving review copies of iPad to 100 lucky person. Go to and apply for it.

  16. Keep posting stuff like this i really like it


Tell me about it.