Thursday, July 15, 2010

Nobody puts Baby in a closet

Yah, so, we did. And he is NOT happy about it.

Also, obviously, this isn't a picture of a closet. It's a picture of the bathroom window. Covered in tissues, in case you can't tell.

Because who in heckfire has a window in the bathroom that you can't cover?

Every year Nick has a work retreat at a country club in Charlottesville. Last year my OB wouldn't let me go because I was too pregnant. And then this year we were all going to go and then we weren't and then we were and we weren't.

I won't bore you with the details but in the end we did and here we are.

And it's sunny, and Jordan loves the pool. And grilled cheese. And dill pickles. Boy does he love dill pickles.

And I have decided this: I live in quirky old-house odd windows blah blah blah charm. I don't need it on my "vacation." And vacation is in quotes because traveling with an angry "this isn't home and fuck you I'm not sleeping" almost-one-year-old doesn't exactly say Vacation! to me.

When we got down here at 11:30 last night, poor old J was so tired and discombobulated that he pretty much went to sleep. In the closet.

The closet that's almost as big as the bedroom in my old place.

But let me tell you, it's nap time now, in fact, it's past nap time, and he is FURIOUS. He's in his familiar Pack and Play. But he's pissed about not being in his own crib, in his own room.

PISSED. And Dad is in all-day meetings. Mama has to pay.

But back to the window. Last night, right about midnight, after we'd stuck the kid in the closet and I went in to take a shower, I realized that with the light on, God and everyone would be able to see me all nakey nakey. Which, of course, is how I prefer to shower.

So I asked Nick if he'd brought any nails along.

Although I guess God is always able to see you. But anyway.

He's all big and handy. He always carries a Leatherman.

Nick, I mean. I doubt God needs a Leatherman.

He hadn't. (Nick, again.)

But there was this box of tissues. I started wetting them and sticking them up, in an effort to opacify our window. Although I guess they're more translucent than opaque, huh? I'm not so clear on which. No pun, seriously.

Anyway, that was last night, and they're still stuck in the same place.

I have to think Housekeeping was either WTF? or good idea! when they went through today.

We have the same damn window in the bedroom. I haven't tissued it, but tonight I am considering propping the ironing board up in front of it and mashing a pillow against it.

Is it trashy, the kid in the closet and tissue and ironing board with pillow on the windows?

And if it is, does trashy mean you can crack a beer before 3:30 on a Thursday afternoon?

If so, I'm totally embracing it.


  1. Oh, yay! I'm so glad you got to go after all. I don't think your solutions are trashy (what, no duct tape?), but if you want them to be so you can have a beer before 3:30, then trashy they shall be.

    Though I kind of thought 11:30 am was the cutoff for beer propriety. That's when restaurants start serving lunch! With beer!


  2. You're not trashy, you're RESOURCEFUL!

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with beer before 3 pm. You're on vacation!

  3. you are so innovative! i love it. i never understood why building designers would put 'hey everyone outside, lets look at the person naked in the shower' windows in a bathroom. it's the same as not installing ceiling vent/fan's in bathrooms - shit smells bad and sometimes the febreeze runs out...
    ps. its never too early to start drinking. there is a reason why caramel bailey's and coffee go so well together :)

  4. Dagny - Yes, at 5 pm Nick called and said we had a huge closet and he'd drive back to get us (he was down here for work already).

    Beer with lunch didn't even occur to me! (And now J is sleeping thank goodness and I don't think they have room service. But when he wakes up...)

    Stevie - Resourceful! Yes! Thank you!

    K-Tee - I have no idea. None. It's ridiculous. And I think oval windows are stupid. Why would you make these oval windows in rooms you use? They're impossible to put blinds, shades, or curtains on, as far as I can tell.

  5. I absolutely ADORE the title of this post. Enjoy your beer! :)

  6. I love the stained-glass window effect you created with tissues! Oval windows and sky-lights should be in the same category of Seems-like-a-good-idea- but,-in fact,-are-not. Rooms with skylights are really loud during thunderstorms and scary at night - say when a bird flies into the window cut out of the roof.

    Have fun on the vacation! I'm sure J will adjust to the closet. Definitely go for the beer.

  7. You heard it - innovative and resourceful! And it is both and definitely not trashy. As for the beer before's not trashy, but who cares. You're on vacation!!! Hope you have a great time! J will relax into the vacation too: )

  8. We put our son (5 months old) in a closet when we were on vacation. The closet was literally as big as his nursery at home, so I really didn't feel bad about it. My sister-in-law put her baby in the closet on vacation as well. I mean, really, it's what you need to do. It's dark, you don't have to worry about waking him (or him waking you, if he's a noisy sleeper) but you're still close enough by if he needs you.

  9. HKW - As a child I remember making stained glass bottles with pieces of colored tissue paper and glue. We loved them.

    I am sure you're right! We have skylights but only in hallways so I don't think about them regularly. I think they'd be very hard in a bedroom. And oval windows - charming and very irritating.

    Kate - We had a swim and then all the kids had ice cream and two of us mothers had beer and it was kind of perfect, actually!

    Anonymous - It is kind of perfect, actually, and I don't think there's anything at all wrong with it. It's big, airy, and dark. I think the issue for him is more that it's totally unfamiliar. He has a fit when we put him down to sleep, and he wakes up crying. I think he's immediately all, where the hell am I? MAMAAAAAA!

  10. I love your tissue idea! And so glad you posted a pic of your handiwork for all of us to enjoy...

  11. OMG! Kaysha and I did that with Viv when she came with me to the Homestead. It was actually perfect. While at first we were all "will there be enough air?"....she slept like a ROCK. We actually slept well too. Don't feel bad :)

  12. Hey - you were tested with challenges and you passed!

  13. Hey, closet, bottom drawer, who cares where you put baby so long as it dry and warm and somewhere safe to sleep. Of course which he doesnt. Thank god Ben could and would sleep anywhere as a baby he loved his sleep..........still does at nearly 17. I frquently have to use a glass of cold water to get him out of bed in the morning.
    Love the tissue thing on the window, very resourceful of you.


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