Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Two hotels, flimsy safety pins, one boob, and yet another awkward position

If Kelli's string hadn't broken, or the Marriott safety pins weren't so flimsy, or we'd gone to the right hotel in the first place, or if Kelli had worn a bra, we wouldn't have wound up in such a seemingly-compromising position.

Is what I'm saying.

Kelli, as you may know, has these very nice boobs that she paid good money for and really quite enjoys.

So we were almost to Crystal City when Kelli said, "Oh!" and grabbed the side of her wrap dress.

The wrap string had broken. And she wasn't wearing a bra.

So we headed towards the Marriott, although it turns out there are two Marriotts, so pay attention if you're going there.

We minced into the Wrong Marriott and headed for the reception desk, where a very nice woman gave Kelli a handful of what turned out to be the most ineffectual safety pins on the planet.

And then I asked her where the rest of the hotel was.

"The rest of the hotel? This is it."

Turns out we meant the other Marriott.

But nonetheless, the dress had to be fixed, so we headed to the bathroom and Kelli spent some time reaching into her dress while holding it shut and then one pin bent and then another and she said, "Oh for Pete's sake!" and let go of the dress.

At which point I offered to try to pin the tie back on.

I think we were so immersed in this that we didn't notice the woman walk into the stall.

We did, however, notice her walk out.

Because at that point, Kelli was towering over me in her 5" heels, looking down.

I was doing a semi-squat, eye to nipple, reaching both arms around her, one in her dress, trying to get the damn pins to work.

So the woman, she walked out of the stall. And kind of started as she saw us. She froze, just for a moment, then hurried to wash her hands.

Our eyes meet in the mirror.

I considered winking, but realized we seemed all kinds of suspect as it was.

Kelli smiled and said, "Hi!"

She hurried out, not stopping to dry her hands.

That was before things even really began.


  1. Hee! I ran into you in the Right Marriott soon after this experience - you were both still all a-twitter about it. Too funny.

  2. Yah, that's right! You were right there at the Right Marriott! Who the hell puts two Marriotts right next to each other?

  3. To be a fly on the wall!

  4. If I told my husband this story, it would break his heart. In his world, the woman would have jumped in to help and it would have ended like a Cinemax movie. He doesn't want to believe in a world where the woman goes sprinting out of the bathroom.

  5. You guys crack me up!

  6. If the string hadn't broken, or the Marriott safety pins weren't so flimsy, or you'd gone to the right hotel in the first place, or if Kelli had worn a bra, that woman would have nothing to talk about, ever.

    It's a social service.

  7. This is such a good story, I'm sharing it in my google reader...

  8. kayare - I had a good dose of this all weekend and realized it's really been missing from my life.

    Lisa - Oh, you raise a good point. In the alternate version, she jumps right in and gets the safety pin to work on the first try.

    Russ - It was good times all weekend, wasn't it?

    Susan - I like the way you look at life. And I've missed you!

    P - Ah, thank you!

  9. Ooooh a wink would have been perfect. I would love to hear the woman's side of the story :)

  10. Hehe now what you do over a glass or two with Kelli is make up the story the woman told her friends/hubby/workmates/anyone who would listen.
    Honestly I would have winked, but then I am a stirrer at best of times.


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