Thursday, August 05, 2010

Because how could you not speculate on the ingredients of said menu item?

Apologies in advance to anyone who might be horrified.

Say you're hard at work in your little worker bee cubicle world.

You're focusing on writing about something scintillating, like endowment spending or the effect of the economy on federal funding for education. For example.

Suddenly, your concentration is broken. By a question from the Quangle wafting over the cubicle walls.

"What's a merkin? I know I've heard of it."

Surely not because we used to talk about them far too often for a workplace.

It turns out one of your colleagues, the lovely Maricel, in pre-wedding diet mode, is looking at a diet plan's week-long menu.

She says, "This diet plan has a lunch item called a Mirkin Burger."

(It turns out to be spelled differently. But still seems a poor choice of name.)

How would you respond?

A. My best guess is a thin slab of tofu covered in sprouts.
B. I don't know, but one of the ingredients is surely tuna fish.
C. Ewwww! Gross!
D. What's a merkin?
E. ____________

I chose A. Kaysha is the one who said there should be tuna fish.

Because I am a 12-year-old boy. And so is she.

And maybe you are, too. Thoughts?


  1. I was too busy snarfing my water as soon as I saw the circled menu item to come up with a clever response. Let's hope that dries before my 2:00, shall we?

  2. Yes, here's hoping it dries. Is that not one of the worst sandwich names ever? Kind of sticks in your throat.

    I just cracked myself up all over again.

  3. HA! I'd quit lurkin' and jerkin yer merkin but I'm laughing too hard to comment. The sprouts! You are SO freaking funny. please keep your hair short, I'm loving the 12 y-old boy part of you this week.

  4. Thanks so much for not posting a link (this time!). Because last time you discussed this on the blog, I was compelled to research it. Warnings? Heck, who heeds those? I had to know. I no longer want to know. And ick ick ick...on a burger? Thanks for the visual.

  5. IS that like hair pie? (Sorry. I guess I'm 12 too!)

  6. I'm with you: A.

    There is something just so, so, soooo wrong about this. I know a guy who is physically affected by the sound of the word "merkin." The really sad thing? He works in theater where he has a better chance than the average person to actually hear it spoken.

  7. When I saw the menu image, I thought Amurrican -- like America George W. style. And now that I know what a merkin is, that makes W and his love for his country sound even weirder and my brain just hurts.

  8. I can't see or hear the word merkin without cracking up. Yep - 12.

  9. I don't know nuthin' about mirkin or merkin, but what kind of diet has a "meatloaf sub" and "Creamy vegetable salad"? Really?? meatloaf and anything creamy are diet food??!!

  10. ROFL, had a mouth full of tea when I read this and now my keyboard is covered in tea splatter.
    A mirkin burger, oh that's precious, as I had read your post about mirkins and have since advised all and sundry what a mirkin is and over a few bottles of wine with girlfriends acted like total dorks giggling and making up uses for the mirkin and adding it to my 'drop into the conversation when things get tedious' reportoire'. Brings a whole new slant on the phrase 'fur burger' (another bout of hysterical giggling ensues) It's a claytons furburger even........lmao. Ok I'll stop you guys have claytons over there? the drink you have when you are not having a drink..old ad and we use the phrase a Claytons on anything thats a fake or rip off of the real thing.
    Thank you, made my great day even greaterer hehe

  11. Ok a mirkin burger would leave you feeling like you hadnt cleaned your teeth for a while....the furry feeling!! ROFL again....(ok ok I could take this to a whole nother level but I will stop now.) I could so run with this even without the help of wine. hehehe

  12. So, curiosity got the best of me and I just had to see what this might look like, this burger of mirkin...if you look at it from the right angle, with one eye kind of squeezed shut, it kind of looks like the one you referred to in your earlier post...

  13. @ cla517: "IS that like hair pie?"
    No, cla, like Go-Betty said, it's a hair, or, aka, fur burger. You can usually get it with a side of thighs.

  14. Lynn - Oh, oh, oh! Laughing so hard! You are wonderful!

    Susan H - You are welcome for the no-link. :) You make me laugh with the "warnings, who needs those?" Haha!

    cla517 - I don't see why not. (Thank you for joining us in the 12 Year Old Boy club!)

    FoggyDew - Do you know how much I love this: "a better chance than the average person to actually hear it spoken"? I really want to make a pie chart (heh heh) of people's chances of hearing the word merkin spoken.

    Lisa - Inserting George W into this just makes it that more bizzaro. Ha!

    Lisa - Yep, 12. So fun!

    K-Dog - I have no idea. I didn't even notice that.

    Go-Betty - Hahahaha! Hahahahaha! You are so a part of the 12 Year Old Boy club! I don't think so - we have O'Doule's, which is alcohol-free beer. And! Yes, the unbrushed teeth - definitely!

    justsomethoughts - Yes, both. Thanks!

    Stevie - Um, that's kind of fantastic! I squinted! Thank you!

    tamater sammich - Side of thighs! Hahahahaha!

  15. My best story along these lines is from my stripper days, when a few of us were hanging out in the locker room. Someone brought up felching, and a younger dancer was like Huh?? And I was all, nonono!!! I didn't bring it up, I am NOT explaining it!

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  17. Yeah, I get it.


    ...Mirkin? Was (is?) a heart doctor who got famous for pushing low fat meals (30% or less). I think he got in trouble for pushing PhenFen or FenPhen or however it's spelled. He was on the radio for years.

    I know: not funny. *shrug*


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