Monday, June 07, 2010

Plus the wheel in the corner would keep him entertained for hours

So this is actually a reenactment because he no longer gets his feet trapped and then just lies there and wails all, "STUUUUUCK! Fuckity fuck stuckity stuck in the stockade on my stomach GAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

He still sticks his feet through. But now he knows how to unstick!

But seeing his little feet poking through reminded me of how confused and terrified I was when trying to figure out the baby gear business. The crib. The changing table. The this. The that.

All the decisions were overwhelming. I got wonderful help from a lot of you.

I do best when I have maybe three options, tops. Too many choices and I get dizzy and then I have to go lie down.

Fortunately Nick is very decisive. Even when he doesn't know what he's doing.

But the thing with the baby stuff is that there are all these issues like safety hazards! Recalls! Your baby could be dismembered or die! Or both!


And the crib is a big deal, so of course you want to get the absolute perfect one. Or at least one that is not going to maim or kill your kid.

Call me alarmist, but I spent a lot of the beginning of J's life making sure he was still alive. Sometimes I still make sure he's breathing, actually.

So while I was pregnant I was reading that Baby Bargains book, where they rate all these brands and talk about safety and such.

This crib. That crib. This crib is made by this company, but marketed under that brand, and those have had some safety issues...Like death.

Don't borrow an old crib. Because the slats might be too wide. And your kid could stick his head through. And die.

And don't get a soft mattress. Because your kid could squish his face into it. And die. The mattress has to fit snugly. Or your kid could get his head stuck. And die. And the sheets have to have elastic all around, or they could come off. And kill your kid. Let's not get started on bumpers...

This had me in a frenzy for weeks. Weeks.

I went into work one day and asked David what crib they bought. And what mattress. And what sheets. And if their baby was still alive.

He was all, "Just pick one you like. All the new ones that meet safety standards are fine."

And I said, "You know what I'd really like? I'd like a big plexiglass box. That way you wouldn't have to worry about the slats. And you could always see your kid."

I had searched, in fact. I hadn't found any.

He leaned forward. He gave me a look. "They make those, Lis."

"They do?"

"Yeah. They're called terrariums."


  1. Excellent! If I ever have a child, I can skip the anxiety-producing decision process you went through and head straight to the pet store! The interweb is awesome.

  2. I once found came in to check on my bf's baby and she had pushed the crib away from the wall and crawled out. I then understood why people say that stuff. The little ones are stronger than they look!

  3. Ooh kiddie terrarium!

    The crib bumper thing irritates me for some reason. Something about all those unprotected slats makes me anxious. I did find one that's some kind of mesh stuff so air still goes through it OK, but it protects between the slats.

  4. oh my hell. this is why I have puppies instead of babies. there is just too much to worry about with human babies.

  5. All that stuff about how to care for a baby will drive anyone crazy with worry. Use a sling if you're a good mom! Wait, don't use a sling you'll suffocate them! Pump and use bottles so dad can feed baby. Wait, those bottles are full of BPA and will kill your kid! Gah, it's enough to make anyone lose their mind.

    FYI if you have a #2. I just read on (awesome blog) that they make a sensor that beeps if your baby doesn't breathe for more than 20 seconds.

  6. Cowgirl is on her fourth baby and I asked her if she was going to get a new crib (Baby number 4 was not exactly planned) and she said, "For all I know, the kid's gonna sleep in a drawer in the closet.

    I think after three, you just kinda wing it.

  7. For this post, I can see why you chose a photo vs one of your famous, hilarious drawings. I don't think I would've gotten "Big J with feet through crib slats". :)

    All the research and stress over picking out baby gear, then managing it on top of caring for a baby...just one reason I'm amazed by all the wonderful parents out there.

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  9. Hahaha! And you could make a whole little scene, with fake grass or a pretend sun and sky. I bet J would love that.

  10. Keenie Beanie - Absolutely. No need to stress. In fact, so many people told me I was stressing too much...and I'm a lot calmer at almost 10 months than I was initially. (But how do you NOT stress when it's all new and you have no idea what's going to happen?)

    Grace - That's insane! Wow, that must be a strong baby. Or was the crib on wheels? I can push J's crib, but it takes effort.

    Lisa - We never got a bumper. That definitely freaked me out, although plenty of my friends had them. Once we stopped swaddling him we had him sleeping in sleep sacks - and still do - which stopped the feet getting caught. It would only happen during the day if we put him in there to look at his mobile and he'd roll around and stick his little feeties through.

    Hillary - Oh my hell yes! (And I need to remember to start using that expression. I do love it.) Puppies are great training, I think, but yes, so much less to worry about.

    Tia - YES! There's so much information and it's so hard to know what's "right" - and then you learn there's not one right for all of it. Agh!

    And we actually have one of those. My aforementioned terrarium friend David and his wife gave it to us. It was great until he started rolling, and then he'd get off the sensor and we'd freak out. And now we've disconnected that part. See how calm and cool we've gotten?

    Kate - Hahaha - I could totally see that! If we have another, I will be MUCH calmer. The not having any first-hand experience made it so scary.

    HKW - I considered it, but then feared that people would actually think that I had him in sort of a hamster scenario. When really I would make it much more like an iguana terrarium, I think.

    Wendy - I actually really love the idea. :)

  11. Being an arty crafty person I made Bens crib cover and bumper thingy. All my gear was second hand off my older sister who had had 2 by the time Benny came along. I really think so long as it passes safety standards its ok. I love the terrarium idea though, bit like keeping a pet lizard/snake/spider or something really. (wonders if you can get terrariums big enough to put nearly 17 yr olds in after the school ball antics of the past weekend)

  12. 知道他有了外遇

  13. I can sooooooo relate. And it nearly drove me crazy, too. The bumper thing I finally/recently caved on. By the time we stopped swaddling MRA he was rolling all over and banging into the rails. So, I put the bumper on. All has been well since. I think he even likes it as it gives him more real estate to push off of with his feet.

    I, too, bought the Baby Bargains book. I was totally freaked out about elastic on the sheets thing and went around my office asking everyone if their baby's sheets had elastic all the way around. I work with mostly men so only a few could actually begin to answer the question. It dawned on me that if hardly any one really knew the answer then it probably was not that big of a deal and I was being sucked into the lunacy. Aaaah so glad those days are over. My lunacy now is applied to other baby issues.

  14. Love the terrarium idea! J would have had a much better view from there, too. I wonder if Child Protective Services would have issues with that type of bedding?

  15. there's still time to get a skinner box:


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